Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Prepare Me a Place at the Prison

I may be a pedophile.  Last night I attended (albeit hesitantly) a sneak preview of "Eclipse" with a group of friends.  When I left the movie, I experienced an unfamiliar sense of breathlessness.  When I awoke this morning I still felt breathless and then I realized that I am truly and deeply in love with Jacob (although Edward was looking kind of hot in this movie, too...not quite as weird-looking as he usually is) which is quite problematic, considering I have a 12-year old son and I am intimate with menopause.  You see, I've never been "into" the "Twilight" series.  In fact, when I tried to read the first book, I quit half-way through.  Every time I heard Bella wax on about how her entire world revolved around Edward, I wanted to vomit (I love that word).  Little did this young Bella know that falling in love would have dire consequences.  Didn't she realize that love and romance are Satan's gateway to disappointment and bitterness?  Somebody needed to save her and bring her to the realization that romantic love doesn't really exist...only lust is real.  Needless to say, I never picked the book up again.  Then I went to see the first movie.  It was OK.  Saw the second movie.  It was OK, too.  I was glad I saw them so that I could be "in-the-know" with my friends...who like me, are "comfortably-aged" and have experienced some of life's let-downs.  The only difference between them and me is that they are all crazy in love with everything "Twilight."  Until last night, they kind of embarassed me.  Last night, I watched "Eclipse" and remembered (though I tried to fight the feeling) what it felt like to be young and in love...all because of Jacob (and maybe Edward a little bit).  What a fox!  Oops..I mean wolf.  I am ashamed...and at the same time, I am sad.  By the time I wake up tomorrow, I will have reverted to my old beliefs and this breathlessness that I feel will be just a memory.  Once again, I will experience the clarity of my convictions and my "love" for Jacob will return to lust.  Please Lord, let him be over 18...I feel so dirty!