Monday, April 18, 2011

BOYS BEHAVING BADLY

Who exactly coined the phrase “boys will be boys?” Let’s see now…it was probably a man…he probably lived centuries ago…he was bigger and stronger than most people…and lazier than most. Historically, this school of thought has been advantageous to those of you who have penises (sorry, Jim, I know you hate that word but I just can’t bring myself to call it the d word), but I humbly suggest that it has been a great disservice to you, as well. While this has been a quick and easy “umbrella” excuse for naughty activity, it has also given men a bad rap (which they don’t deserve). Almost any male behavior can be easily brushed off with this simple sentiment, but it’s also left them with the stigma that they are lazy, uncaring, unaccountable, stinky, selfish, out-of-control, lust-crazed, mean and nasty creatures. Dare I say that this is not true…this strange phenomena only occurs when men choose to be this way.


The last time I checked, I, too, was capable of all of these same traits. But what’s my excuse? Well, let’s see…for me to get off the hook for behaving badly I’ve got LOTS of explaining to do. Where’s my easy out? Where’s my get-out-of-jail-free ticket? Where’s my I-don’t-have-to-be-accountable-for-my-behavior pass? Why do the guys get to have all the fun without consequences?

Even my father, whom I view as one of the most liberal, non-chauvinistic beings on the face of the earth, counseled me as I grew up, that it was the girls, not the boys, that had to be responsible for not getting pregnant. Why? Because boys couldn’t help themselves. They had “special needs.” They couldn’t be expected to control themselves. To that I say “POOFAH!” I’ve had plenty of “special needs” throughout my life and managed to keep from getting knocked up. (Oh, yeah…there was that time when I was 33 and got knocked up. How embarrassing! I was old enough to have known better. Now my “girls-will-be-girls” moment has grown into a 13-year-old who is handsome and bright and stinky and he’s my gift from God.)

There are some allowances for my first husband. I won’t give him the “boys will be boys” angle, but perhaps a small stretch…the “Satan will be Satan” excuse.

And then there’s my second husband (my son’s dad-the one who knocked me up and then I finally caved-in to marrying (under duress) because I was hormonally challenged and needed the health insurance) whose excuse was simply that he was raised by parents who bought into the whole “boys will be boys” concept and let him get away with all sorts of naughtiness, so he’s just simply beyond the point of redemption and will forever remain a behavioral zombie.

When did we all come to accept this theory as gospel? I personally refuse to accept this!!! I expect more out of the men in my life! I have known men who are capable of more than this! Those of you who know me well know that I am, by far, the most jaded and cynical person in the world when it comes to men and romance (I still throw up a little when I hear that word but I’m desperately trying to get in touch with my inner Juliette). However, thanks to some very dear “friends with penises” (aka FWPs) that I have come to know in the past couple of years, (this includes some of my dearest friends’ husbands), I have come to appreciate men more than I ever have. I love their qualities that ARE different than ours…they’re bigger and stronger and more handsome and can make us feel sexy and they feel nice in our arms (I think I need a moment alone with these thoughts) and can make us see the world from a totally fresh and different perspective…AND NO ONE WILL EVER CONVINCE ME that they are not capable of being loving, selfless, nurturing, intelligent and valuable companions…not to mention bigger, stronger, more handsome…heavy sigh (you’ve already heard my laundry list)…no matter how many times you try to convince me that “BOYS WILL BE BOYS.” How ‘bout we start a new saying…something along the lines of…”boys can be men and men can be our heroes.” Hhhhmmmm…maybe that’s a stretch. Oh, crap…there goes that cynical, jaded part of me again. Oh, well…cynics will be cynics. Right?

11 comments:

  1. I think my husband is perfect... and I hope you count him among one of the good guys that you have come to appreciate.

    Great post, and you best get back on the wagon... hard to promote the next big thing in writing when you're never around to be seen. =)

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  2. Yes, of course Ricardo is included amongst the good guys! Duh...it goes without saying.

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  3. What a great post. I have always hated the liberalization about ALL of anything--all men are..., all women are... So the boys will be boys thing has always bothered me. I have some great men in my life, my husband, my son, and my son-in-law that are caring, loving, and supporting to all of the women and children in their lives and I'm very thankful for them.

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  4. You have made my day, great post, and Jim will love the mention about him lol. We need many more. It was Jim right?

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  5. Of course it was Jim!!! Make sure he gets a chance to read it. I think he'll get a kick out of it!

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  6. I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to the men in my life. Your post has reminded me that ther CAN be good men out there who don't just think with that certain part of their anatomy. Thank you for being jaded and cynica...it's what we love about you :)

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  7. Leah, this is awesome. I already can't wait for your next post! Hurry up!

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  8. I showed Jim his mention and now he is wondering why you have not devoted an entire blog to him about what a perfect man should be and he says he is not worried because real men don't read blogs. lol!!

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  9. I will get right on that...I think I'll call it "Jim: The Human Deity that Every Man Should Be Or At Least Strive to Be"

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  10. Do you think CP is growing up kinder and gentler than other boys who have a constant male presence at home? I've noticed my son isn't a wrestler or a fighter or very aggressive like other boys in his class. I don't know if that's just his personality or if it's because he has 2 moms and no dad around. I'm trying to raise one of those good guys so I'm hopeful I won't have to use the "boys will be boys" phrase to describe him one day.

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  11. I don't know, KD. I thought that CP was kinder and gentler until he hit puberty. Then he became much more "boyish" for lack of a better word. Although...the good news is that he's very respectful of women (except for me) but I work really hard to make sure that it's engrained in him...I always have. For me, that's one of the most important lessons I can teach him. To be respectful and accountable...which is probably why I have such issues with the whole "boys will be boys" thing...especially after his dad turned out to be so much the opposite of that. I think boys benefit way more from their moms than people give us credit for. I have no doubt that your kids will be uber awesome...you're both such incredible moms. It's hard without a dad around, but I think it's way more importatnt that we love them fiercely! But be prepared for puberty! They change...

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